So Barbie -- the classic white, blond standard-bearer of fake beauty -- is getting a new shape. That's welcome news for those of us who have long lamented the exaggerated hourglass figure (to be polite) of one of the most popular women in America. But it's not all good news in Plasticland. While Barbie's trademark nipple-less, mountainous, hard-plastic breasts are being cut down to size and that itty-bitty waist is getting bigger, her hips are also set to slim down with the new model, making her not so much more healthy and realistic as simply pubescent.

Still better than Bratz dolls. (I call 'em Slutz.)