I've been working on my progress reports for days, so i apologize in advance if this sounds bitter, and thanks for letting me vent. I've been meaning to write a list of funny things that I encounter every day, and this might be a page. People really really do say the strangest things to me, and i'm tired of being polite and neutral about it.


Things not to say to your kid's teacher!

"you know, he's only x years old..." (because we accidentally put him a class full of senior citizens, and I have absolutely no idea what is age appropriate for your child)

"at least he doesn't punch people..." (at the moment, you're lucky I don't.)

"I'm not sure how we can help you..." (cuz apparently it's my problem, and not your child at all. my mistake.)

"It's all my ex husband/ex wife's fault. did i tell you what he did?" (look, the title on my door isn't marriage counselor. solve your own relationship problems.)

"Oh, I know. He does it at home too. I have no idea what to do with him." (parent is a verb. look it up, and take a class)

"I don't know why he smells like cat pee. Our cat is spayed." (That's nice. did you have it's bladder removed too?)

"you have your classroom set up in groups. I think he would be able to listen better if you put them all in individual desks." (cuz sticking a hyper child in a desk and making him work by himself all day should calm him right down. see that diploma on the wall? it's a kleenex coupon, so i need all the input i can get.)

"he doesn't understand the homework" (that's not homework, that's the classroom newsletter. want me to put in pictures next time?)

"i don't have time to read to him. he was an accident anyway, we only meant to have two children." (your brain damage was from the accident you mentioned?)

"she just wants to look pretty" (sticking your six year old in high heels and makeup to go to grade one isn't pretty. It's somewhere between pedophilia and broken legs from running in the halls in pumps.)

"he shouldn't have to take gym. he has breathing problems." (because he's two hundred pounds and three feet tall.)

"I just want to brush her hair." (yes, but you're leaning over the class pizza as you do it, and we don't have to replace the pepperoni with your kid's dandruff. this isn't a hair salon.)

"you're overpaid" (wait, that was a student)

"he wouldn't hurt a flea" (well the flea population may be safe, but the other kid is still bleeding)

"at least you get your summer's off" (because that's how long the anger management course takes.)

thanks for the vent. now what stupid crap do people say to you at work?

I'll have to think about this, because there are many.

Here is one example:

From an owner who had moved to an adjacent condo complex and has her unit here in the rental pool, to hubby:

Can you go stand by my door (at the new place), wait for my friend who is supposed to pick me up, and tell her that I am at the emergency clinic?

More to come when I am coherent. Downstairs neighbors woke us up at 3am talking (almost yelling) outside right under our windows.

Can you tell my neighbor to stop cooking smelly food?

Can we move all the "mature" people to one building? (I'm sure many owners would be willing )

I was talking outside at midnight because it was hot in my place. (from someone having a crisis and a loud argument on her cell that was disturbing others. She was drunk!)

I have to store my stuff on the balcony because I have so (too) much for inside.

You don't allow dogs? But my little cupcake is only 4lbs! (no dogs means no dogs)

Can you tell my neighbors upstairs to keep their kid from running around? (they have a toddler......do you want them to cage him or levitate him?)

Can I put a small windmill on the roof of the building for my electricity? (yeah, we are going to let someone on the main floor drill holes in the roof and run wiring down 3 stories, then through holes drilled in the exterior wall )

I heard this at an organic communal garden vegetable stand - "I can't use these vegetables - they're dirty"

I have posted several times that since my involvement with a charter elementary school, my respect for teachers has mushroomed ~ the amount of ignorant OR unintentional abuse teachers face every day is mind-boggling ~ greeny, if you didn't respond to any of those instances, you are Superwoman!

But roseanne is proof that property managers compete in that category of being the target for ignorant OR unintentional abuse regularly ~

Would now be a bad time to reinforce how much I love retirement? ~

Sooz

Talking too much about retirement while i'm in between difficult meetings with parents and writing progress reports might get you placed on Greeny's most wanted to slap list.

(jk, of course. but grrrrr)

people don't say stupid things to me at work.

either that or i am far too forgiving.

you dug this up from three pages back to post that?

ummm ... mac? ~ most people I know do not say stupid things to someone at work who [a] works around and with heavy machinery or [b] is the BOSS/owner of the company ~

Sooz

you're welcome.

LOL! yeah. that might explain a thing or two.

the other thing is that there is not a lot of room for apology or excuse making in the shop. you are operating under strict instruction. if you fail to follow instructions, it is time to apologize, not justify.

"My employees love me" - Just before they voted 100% to go on strike.

Most of the time is it's me that says stupid shit at work. What's scary is the number of times normally responsible people believe me.

My most hated comment was "its all a matter of opinion isn't it" ....

I mostly restrained myself, but inside I was screaming ....

"Listen you fuckwit, I've been teaching you for 6 months and you come up with vacuous crap like that? NO, its NOT a fucking matter of opinion, shit-for-brains, its a matter of REASON, its a matter of EVIDENCE, its a matter of THINKING!!!!"

But then I could always console myself with the phrase coined by a friend of mine:

"Most people don't think, they just think they think".

(Please excuse expletives, but sometimes they do express meaning).

"With all due respect...." (which means they're about to be disrespectful)

"Clearly...." - or - "Let me be clear..." (which means they're about to be opaque with obfuscation or lies)