I LOVE this!! Dealing with a slew of "entitlement" people with our job, it's so nice to see these parents try to nip that attitude in the bud.

The parents who canceled Christmas

CNN) -- They are the parents who canceled Christmas.

John and Lisa Henderson of Hurricane, Utah, had finally had enough of their little hurricanes.

For months, the couple had been trying to teach their three boys, ages 11, 8 and 5, to stop being disrespectful and acting entitled.

"We gave them good warning, either it was time for their behavior to change or there would be consequences," wrote Lisa Henderson, co-founder of the Over the Big Moon blog, in a recent post.

"We patiently worked with them for several months and guess what, very little changed. One day after a particularly bad display of entitlement John said, 'We should just cancel Christmas.' "

And that's what they did.

Santa isn't coming to the Henderson house this year.

The family is taking the money that would have been spent on gifts and using it for service projects and helping other people.

It's not like her children suffer from a lack of toys, Lisa Henderson wrote. The family will still decorate and celebrate Christmas as the birth of Christ, and the children will still get presents from other family.

Though they're taking some heat from critics who call them Scrooges, the gifts these parents are giving their children are so much more important than the latest popular "Star Wars" figure or electronic gadget soon relegated to the dustbin. These gifts will last a lifetime.

The gift of consequences

How many times do parents threaten to take away the television/iPad/favorite toys unless their children start to behave?

If the threats continue but there's never any follow-through, children come to believe that there aren't any consequences. They also learn that their parents can't be trusted to tell the truth. And they develop a nasty habit of manipulating to get what they want.

The Henderson children will probably never doubt their parents' word again.

The gift of perspective

Henderson knew that her children had plenty to be grateful for, including good food, a nice home and too many toys to count.

What they needed was a dose of perspective, which they got. They used the Santa money to start a clothing drive for victims of Typhoon Haiyan in the Philippines and ship the goods overseas. They are also considering participating in an Adopt-a-Grandparent program.

The gift of imagination

The boys aren't sitting around feeling sorry for themselves.

Besides organizing as a family to do good works for others, the boys have responded by making gifts for each other and sneaking them into each child's stocking.

"They are learning exactly what we wanted them to learn, because they are not moping around feeling sorry for themselves," she wrote. "They are thinking of others."

The gift of family

Christmas hasn't been completely canceled in the Henderson household. What's been canceled is an overwhelmingly commercial Christmas.

Instead of a race to the tree to see what Santa brought, the focus on Christmas morning will be on spending time together with Lisa's cinnamon rolls, their faith, family games and the opportunity to "truly enjoy the few presents they did get" from grandparents and others.

"While this may not be the best choice for everyone, it feels right for our family right now," she wrote. "Our kids get to focus on that feeling. I am almost certain this will be the best Christmas they ever have!"

http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/04/living/pa ... Stories%29

What wonderful parents! ~ now THAT is a "trend" that I'd love to see take off ~ obviously, their boys are good kids as evidenced by their attitudes since learning their fate ~

Personal story: I remember a time when my mom was furious with me about something or other ~ she was yelling "go to your room and stay there" ~ my dad starting laughing, which only increased her fury ~ but then he said [paraphrasing here] "if you really want to punish her, don't send her to HER room, with a phone/TV/stereo ... send her to OUR room with only a phone!" ~ even my mom, as angry as she was, started laughing ~

Sooz

Another poorly written headline. They didn't cancel Christmas.

Agreed. And there's quite a chunk of the story missing too....

One day after a particularly bad display of entitlement

What does THAT mean?

Ok, so they cancelled "Santa" for their kids. Potato, potahto. Either way, it's a good lesson for the kids when they don't get gifts from Mom, Dad and/or Santa. The title of the article could have been "Parents withhold Christmas gifts from their kids to teach them a lesson", but much too wordy. For all intents and purposes, they did cancel the normal family Christmas. Lets face it, for the majority of young kids Christmas means nothing more than lots of gifts from Mom/Dad/Santa. Period. Full stop.

I would think Chaos, that maybe they all whined and/or pitched a fit when Mom wouldn't buy them the latest, greatest toy or take them somewhere. That's what I pictured when I read that. Entitlement kids want what they want, and they want it right now! Similar to a 2yr old.

I would be happier if this article were NOT in the paper. Sad as it sounds to me, I think we've got entitlement parents here, too.

I can understand trying to teach kids values like sharing and do not be so greedy and you can feel good giving and not just getting. I would be happier if they just did that and not publicized it to the world.

It was posted on a blog Kathy. The media picked up on it somehow:



If you're interested:

http://www.overthebigmoon.com/

I would think Chaos, that maybe they all whined and/or pitched a fit when Mom wouldn't buy them the latest, greatest toy or take them somewhere.

I get that. But there's just something about these parents phrasing it as "a display of entitlement" that bothers me. Just seems a really strange choice of words.

All kids "want"-they want the latest, they want what they see on TV, etc.-that's perfectly normal kid behavior, especially for a 5 year old.

And if all 3 of them were this terrible for this long...maybe somebody should spend less time blogging about their "parenting skills", and more time parenting.

Thanks for the link, but it didn't really give any specifics either. It did, however, reinforce my gut feeling that this mom is verrrrrrryyyyy impressed with herself. lol

There was a comment that said what I was trying to say. but way better....

"Doing an "awesome job" at being the best parent? Hardly ... she and her husband have had 11 years, 8 years and 5 years respectively to teach their children what is acceptable and appropriate behavior, what has been tolerated is what has caused this point to arrive. Too many previous teaching opportunities by the parents were missed

Oh, I agree. But how many parents are perfect? When my kids were 12 and 8, I was still a pretty sucky parent in many areas. Still, I tried multiple tactics to bring my oldest (who was the worst) around. My problem wasn't "entitlement kids", but the parenting skills are comparable. I still applaud them, even if they are a tad arrogant about it all. Better than doing nothing.

Just another thought about this:



Seriously? I'm actually surprised at that remark from you Chaos. Adults spend time on the computer, reading or watching tv. You know, doing something for themselves. Otherwise they'd go nuts. Parenting is hard and after the kiddos are down for the night, it's a good time for those things or when they are in school. Blogging may be her way of escaping too, we just don't know. Spending every second of every day parenting is not possible and doesn't guarantee a different outcome. The "entitlement" kids don't always get that attitude at home. My Daughter's 3 fight a LOT! Here was one of her "solutions". lol



The caption: These 2 won't stop fighting w/each other. Maybe after 10 minutes like this they will rethink fighting. Had enough.

We were 4 boys and we fought plenty but none of us felt "entitled" to anything. If we wanted something we had to earn it.

I posted that pic to show that parent's try a lot of different ways to modify behavior

Most of our generation had to earn what they got. I did, hubby did...we weren't handed anything.

It's a lot of today's generation who has not had to do that, from the one's who are 20something, down to toddlers. I can't tell you how many young residents we have who's parents bought the condo FOR them in the last couple of years. They live there, and probably pay some, but not much and perhaps even only the utilities.... if anything at all. A number of them are in university and have no jobs. Their attitudes are so different that those who are established owners here and who bought their own place by working hard and saving. They want everything done for them, with no inkling of responsibility or pride in ownership.

I got the same vibe from Mom that chaos did. Just using the term "acting entitled" to me sounded like she was a Fox news junky.

Scenes from my life with an unentitled son.

Age 4 - I know Santa's not real. There's too many of them and there is no way he could travel around the world giving gifts to everyone.

Age 15 at the Football awards banquet in early December.
Larry: So, Jason what do you want for Christmas?
Jason: I don't need anything really. Maybe a trapper keeper.
Me: A trapper keeper? No one asks for a trapper keeper for Christmas. How much fun will I have with that?
Larry(laughing hysterically): Maybe you should adopt me. I'm a lot more fun.

What I noticed with my nieces and entitlement over Thanksgiving, is they don't pitch in and help and no one really asks them to. I don't cook much. Hubby does. He seems to enjoy it and chops a lot better than I do. That doesn't mean I do nothing. The shopping is done throughout the week. The tables are set the day before and it's a whole lot more work than you think when the meals are for 20. Jason has always been Hubby's sous chef, from an early age and still. Then there is clean up for cooking for 20 and that includes dishwashers and hand washings and putting things (food and clean dishes) away. Again adult woman and no one asked the four teen girls. I think I asked one of them to do the ice and pour water. Todd usually cleans the turkeys and hams, but he wasn't here this year so my bil did one turkey prior to placing his sports bets. The other two adult men pitched in with the ham and other turkey once asked. I think the problem I see is the moms and dads have to ask and then expect the kids to pitch in.

C'mon, folks ~ reality is that no 2 kids [not siblings, not strangers] are exactly alike ~ what works for some won't work for others ~ sometimes the mentality is "I didn't get everything/anything so I'm not giving everything/anything" ~ other times the mentality is "I had to struggle and don't want my child to struggle" ~ parents can be equally different from each other as from their children ~

I'm not a parent ~ but I hope that if I were, I would instill the same values in my kidlet[s] that our parents instilled in us ~ and it's what I "preach" at school ~ color/religion/ethnicity doesn't matter, heart does ~ don't sit in judgment ~ listen and understand what others are expressing ~ material things are just things and can be repaired or replaced or discarded, people are not things ~ say you're sorry when you make a mistake or hurt someone ~ on and on ~

I'm thinking parents being consistent and using age-appropriate "learning moments" is easier said than done ~ but parents are humans too ~ they won't [and shouldn't be expected to] be perfect 100% of the time ~ we must learn from, and not repeat, our own or our parents' mistakes ~

Sooz

In fact, building on Sooz's comments, one reason we give our kids things and don't make them work for everything is because that is the evolution of our middle class. For example, I did not have to work as hard as my parents did. That is what they wanted for me. That is how they prepared me for the world.My mother dropped out of school to work and care for her siblings. She did not burden me with caring for siblings, (sure I had to watch my brother sometimes but it wasn't like being the second oldest girl in a family of 7. The oldest girl got to marry young, and my mother got to help the family. The boys of course joined the service.) I would not have been allowed to quit school to work. In fact, I was going to college. Neither of my parents had done that and they wanted to make sure I did, so that I wouldn't have to work as hard as they did. My child does not have to work for everything doing chores and part time jobs like I did. She is a talented athlete and spends her time at practice. She works hard maintaining her body and improving her skills in addition to her school work. She will go to college, and her life will be fuller than mine because of her experience in athletics.I am glad that I could give that to her. She will give amazing things to her children because her parents sacrificed for her and showed her an example. Most of us are glad our kids don't have to work as hard as we did or go through what did- that is our legacy to them.

If your kids are entitled, who has shown/taught/told them that they are? The idea didn't pop in to their brains from thin air. Maybe skipping Christmas is a really good idea for this whole family to do together....

A few more details. All emphasis/bolding mine:

The 36-year-old stay-at-home-mom from Hurricane, Utah, revealed the plan on her blog, Over the Big Moon. On Good Morning America,she said: "They had been acting up quite a bit, and weren't very grateful for the things they had."
............
Lisa wrote on her blog: "Our kids have been acting so ungrateful lately. They expect so much even when their behaviour is extremely disrespectful. We gave them good warning, either it was time for their behaviour to change or there would be consequences.
............
However, it's not all doom and gloom for the boys on Christmas morning -- they'll still receive presents from their grandparents and other family members.
Lisa wrote: "These will be more cherished because the quantity will be less. They can enjoy what they get rather than feel overstimulated with so much."


http://www.msn.com/en-ca/lifestyle/holi ... ailsignout

What do you find wrong in this text from the link?

She explained that while the family wasn't cancelling "putting up decorations, celebrating the birth of our Saviour, or any of our other heart-warming traditions," but they would be going without "presents, Santa and stockings."

Lisa and her husband John, 34, said they felt their kids had lost sight of the fact that gifts aren't an automatic entitlement and should be earned through good behaviour.

Lisa wrote on her blog: "Our kids have been acting so ungrateful lately. They expect so much even when their behaviour is extremely disrespectful. We gave them good warning, either it was time for their behaviour to change or there would be consequences. We patiently worked with them for several months and guess what, very little changed."

With Christmas now cancelled, the money the parents would have spent on their three sons will instead be put towards gifts for others.

The mom-of-three wrote: "We are trying to teach them the pleasure of giving rather than continuing to feed their childhood desire for more."

Lisa said her sons were initially upset about the decision, but said she's proud of them for how they've reacted. "They have reacted by making gifts for each other and sneaking them into each other's stockings," she explained. "They are learning exactly what we wanted them to learn, because they are not moping around feeling sorry for themselves. They are thinking of others."

However, it's not all doom and gloom for the boys on Christmas morning -- they'll still receive presents from their grandparents and other family members.



I'm personally not sure what these kids learned. They are sneaking gifts into each other's stockings on December 4 when NO ONE has stockings hung (particularly in a house with no Santa, stockings or presents).

This woman is on Good Morning America, now!?!

Good on you, kathyl. You spotted a phony. Now that she's had her Palin moment she will hopefully disappear into anonymity.

Just because they put up stockings (which may be just for decoration), doesn't mean anything. Why are you trying to diminish what this Mom is trying to do Kathy? I agree that she may be a tad pretentious, but as I said earlier no parent is perfect. No person is perfect. At least they are trying to do something.

Some people on her blog called them selfish and mean for doing this. That should tell you the mindset of other people...............

To me, those of you nit-picking on the mom are being harsh ~ this was a joint decision by the mom and dad on dealing with their children's attitudes and on what lessons they want the boys to learn ~ it's THEIR decision, no one else's ~ I understand the lines they are drawing about gifts vs decorating, etc ~ and this seems to be working in THEIR family ~ the mom isn't forcing anyone to follow their lead, but she is offering her and her hubby's solution to a problem many families face ~

Sooz

I don't care enough about this woman to argue about this subject.

Hopefully the kids learn what she wants them to learn.

The story still does not make sense to nitpicker (or as I prefer logical/sensical) me.

I actually found this interview with the woman and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on FOX.

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/12/ ... christmas/

Chaos, raising questions is not a problem to me ~ what I'm reacting to is losing sight of the basic fact that this was a mom/dad decision that seems to be working in their family ~ "ungrateful" and "disrespectful" are strong descriptors that most people understand, and I'm not sure we need to know exactly what offenses the kids committed ~ I just don't understand why we're second-guessing parental decisions of others ~

Sooz

i saw an interview with the parents, and i thought what they did was terrific.