I think everyone is familiar with the classic "Reefer Madness" (it's available on Youtube if you haven't seen it) but you have to love this one

This turned up on FB, posted by someone I was in grade school with. Haven't heard a thing from him since then until I got a friend request a few months back.


Have to say that pretty much everything he's posted has been out of the right wing conspiracy playbook.

IRISH ALZHEIMER'S

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat
during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, he?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."

How not to recreate a family photo

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'

'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.

He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:

"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

G-R-O-A-N!

Very good!

A Professor started his class on a very serious topic, the moment he turned towards the blackboard one of the students whistled..
He turned, looked at the class and asked for the name of the Whistler but no one answered..

He thought of a way to catch the person who did it..

The Professor stopped writing and said: "Lecture ends here. I'll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time.."
Everyone became interested..

"Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but I could not, so I thought I would better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might force me to sleep..

After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride..

Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Maybe she must have been returning from a party..

I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could take her home and that would make her happy.
I agreed..

She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my surprise, she was very intelligent..

When we reached her address, she told me she had fallen in love with me..

I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I've also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university..
The girl asked my number, which I gave her. Then she asked me a favor, to which I couldn't have denied naturally..

She said that her brother is a student in the same university, and asked me to take care of him, since we'll be in a long relationship now..

I asked the name of the student. She said that I'll know him with one of his stupid behaviour, He whistles a lot in class.."
All eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled..

The professor then said: "I didn't buy my Ph.D in Psychology...

I earned it....

Lots more here (and some of them really are weird)

https://www.eatliver.com/weird-beauty-queens/