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PostPosted: 02/10/11 4:16 am • # 1 
I know this one well from personal experience...


I was homeless; 'the look' judged me worthless


By Michael Sullivan, Special to CNN
January 26, 2011 9:53 a.m. EST


Editor's note: Michael J. Sullivan's first novel, "Necessary Heartbreak: A Novel of Faith and Forgiveness," was published by Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon and Schuster. He is working on the sequel, "The Greatest Christmas."
New York City (CNN) -- I remember vividly when I got "the look." My hair was grimy and my clothes smelled from having been worn for three straight weeks. I buried my unshaven face into my jacket as I stepped onto the E train in New York, clinging to my green garbage bag of belongings.
It was holiday time and the train was packed, but it was my home at night during the winter of 1983-84. I was exhausted from walking so much, searching for a job. A seat opened up between two passengers and I sat down. A well-dressed woman gave me "the look."
How did I know what "the look" was? Well, I used to give it before I was homeless -- a mocking stare that told the person that he or she wasn't fit to move about normally in society. I was conditioned at a very young age to view all homeless people as worthless alcoholics and drug addicts. They were not human -- they were thugs and murderers and a burden to society. Or so I thought. Until I got "the look."
During those bleak, frigid winter evenings and mornings, I realized that people who shared those subway rides probably thought of me in the same way. Humiliated, I left the seat and stood by a pole near the end of the car, cringing in fear of another "look."
Read more...
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/26/sullivan.homeless.writer/index.html?iref=obinsite


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 5:07 am • # 2 
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I hope others take the time to read this whole op-ed ~ it delivers a very important message ~ we never really know the demons others face ~ or how a few kind words can make an enormous difference ~

True story: there was a seemingly elderly black man who always sat on the sidewalk outside of the garage where I parked while I was still working, no matter if it was sunny, snowing, raining, hot, or cold ~ people walked around him, never even looking at him ~ Rufus was always clean, always humming a song, and always polite when he asked for 'help', meaning cash ~ one day, he was a bit later than usual and was just getting settled in when I was walking out of the garage ~ he kind of stumbled and I stopped to make sure he was okay ~ the gratitude he showed for that simple act stunned me ~ over the next couple of years, I learned Rufus' story, bit by bit ~ he was a VietNam vet ~ which meant that he was not much older [and possibly younger] than me tho his appearance was many years my senior ~ he dropped out of school when he was 15, but loved to read ~ he was a carpenter by trade, but struggled with both alcoholism and drug addiction and had beat both, but he could not find any work for a number of years ~ he spent most of his time on the streets, but said he stayed at a mission twice a week so that he could shower and wash his clothes because he hated feeling dirty ~ for the next couple of years, we chatted briefly 5 days a week and I slipped him maybe $5-10/week ~ on my last day of work before I retired, I explained I was retiring ~ I told him I would miss him, wished him luck, and tried to give him $100 ~ he stood up, hugged me, refused the money, and told me my 'friendship' meant more to him than the money ~ I cried all the way home ~ I haven't seen Rufus since that day but a friend at work reports he's still in the same spot every day ~ I learned a lot about both humanity and humility from Rufus ~

Sooz


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 5:09 am • # 3 
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I'm more likely to be giving "the look" to the person giving the homeless person "the look". 



 

 


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 5:23 am • # 4 
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Recently, one of the soaps wove in a storyline about the homeless, and did it quite well, IMO.


In these days of crippling budget cuts, it's pretty damn remarkable that The Bold and the Beautifulwent down to L.A.'s Skid Row and hired some 25 real-life homeless people to tell their life stories on camera. The sequences, airing October 28-29, are part of a plot that has Beverly Hills matron Stephanie Forrester (Susan Flannery) battling stage 4 lung cancer and using what time she has left to help those who have nothing. The soap's exec producer-head writer Brad Bell, who has hired an additional 30 homeless to appear as extras, swears he won't be dropping this storyline anytime soon. In fact, it'll be an integral part of the show's holiday season. TV Guide Magazine spoke with the B&B boss man about his groundbreaking plot and where it goes from here.


Recently, URM was approached by the show to help them learn more about homelessness and Skid Row, because they had decided to incorporate homelessness into the story line. Well, they ended up coming down to URM to film and some of our guests even got to be featured on the show!

Everyone had a fun time having the cast and crew join us for a day.  We are also very thankful that the issue of homelessness will be shared with a wider audience.  Thanks so much to CBS and ‘The Bold and the Beautiful' for choosing URM to be part of such a special project.

To check out past episodes, including todays, that feature scenes on Skid Row, click here, and be sure to watch tomorrow to see URM on ‘The Bold and the Beautiful'!



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PostPosted: 02/10/11 9:28 am • # 5 
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One thing I've always done is to look directly at a homeless person and speak. "Hello", "Good morning/afternoon" with a smile. I always receive a brilliant smile back and can see the gratefulness in their face for just being recognized as another human. I got a lot of opportunity for that when we worked/lived near downtown.

Here there aren't as many, but there is one man who is at Tim Horton's every Sunday  morning when we stop to get our coffee. He obviously saves some of the money he collects earns (he does recycling as evidenced by his laden grocery cart) for his one day a week treat. A coffee and breakfast biscuit. He has a time worn, weathered face and looks native. When he smiles a million "smile wrinkles" appear on his face and his eyes just light up. He never asks for money while there. Just sits on one of the outdoor benches and relishes his Sunday breakfast. I think I would love to hear his story.


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 11:19 am • # 6 
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roseanne wrote:
One thing I've always done is to look directly at a homeless person and speak. "Hello", "Good morning/afternoon" with a smile. I always receive a brilliant smile back and can see the gratefulness in their face for just being recognized as another human. I got a lot of opportunity for that when we worked/lived near downtown.

Here there aren't as many, but there is one man who is at Tim Horton's every Sunday  morning when we stop to get our coffee. He obviously saves some of the money he collects earns (he does recycling as evidenced by his laden grocery cart) for his one day a week treat. A coffee and breakfast biscuit. He has a time worn, weathered face and looks native. When he smiles a million "smile wrinkles" appear on his face and his eyes just light up. He never asks for money while there. Just sits on one of the outdoor benches and relishes his Sunday breakfast. I think I would love to hear his story.
Sit and have a chat next time you see him on that bench.

  


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 12:15 pm • # 7 

Homelessness is a situation that tears my heart up quite frankly...I have actually spent quite a lot of time thinking about it, wondering what I, a single individual can do to alleviate the situation, what i would be willing to do, etc. and have found myself coming up short of what I feel i should be doing....practicality and realism as well as genuine fear rationalize my short coming in this area but whatever, the truth is I, as well as thousands of other people, do not do enough to alleviate the horrible suffering of the homeless...I have done my little "good deeds", from giving money for food, to buying bus fare for a stranded young man who desperately wanted to get back home to giving "stuff" etc. but you know, until I'm ready to open up my home and share my meals with a homeless person (which thinking about it, Perry and I did do that for a couple of days) until I personally am ready to do that, I don't know that I can feel comfortable with myself on the subject...personal security reasons is the major hold back from opening up my home and heart, but I am not proud that I do not go out and find someone who needs shelter in these horribly cold days.  The news spoke of the shelters that were open; i also know that the shelters often have limits on how many they can take in....and i know that they will find people frozen to death after this cold spell is over...but it is doubtful these deaths will make the front pages....I find the problem very troubling.  My grandmother used to feed "hoboes" from her back porch who would come knocking on her back door at supper time (word of mouth spreads among the hungry where there might be a hot meal according to my grandmother)...standing 5ft2 and under a hundred pounds, my grandmother did not let fear inhibit her nor did any harm come to her but she gave what she had left after feeding her own family and when she was out of "leftovers" she'd simply say, "I'm sorry...it's all gone for this meal."  This during the depression.Nowdays, I tell myself the times are different, what with drugs and all, but I still feel gutless when i think of my grandmother....  



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PostPosted: 02/10/11 12:18 pm • # 8 
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oskar, I don't know if I would be comfortable doing that to be quite honest. I may if hubby isn't waiting impatiently in the car full of groceries. That's when we go by there...on the way home from shopping.


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 12:37 pm • # 9 
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roseanne wrote:
oskar, I don't know if I would be comfortable doing that to be quite honest. I may if hubby isn't waiting impatiently in the car full of groceries. That's when we go by there...on the way home from shopping.
That's a bit different.
We're pretty lucky around here, though. I've not seen a homeless person in this area.
Everybody has a place to live.

  


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 2:19 pm • # 10 
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oskar576 wrote:
roseanne wrote:
oskar, I don't know if I would be comfortable doing that to be quite honest. I may if hubby isn't waiting impatiently in the car full of groceries. That's when we go by there...on the way home from shopping.
That's a bit different.
We're pretty lucky around here, though. I've not seen a homeless person in this area.
Everybody has a place to live.

  
Maybe.  Or maybe so many homeless up here die in weather like this.  Or they migrate, to places with better shelters or a better climate.

  


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 3:25 pm • # 11 
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No. All the "potential homeless" aren't homeless in our area.
There are group homes for those who cannot see to their own needs.
It's much easier in rural areas.


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PostPosted: 02/10/11 3:41 pm • # 12 
I live in a small community and when I first moved here, I thought there were no homeless people. I found to the contrary when I struck up a conversation with an older fellow who was hanging around the plaza near the grocery store. While I assumed at the time that he was older than me, it turns out he five years younger. There is no public transit around here (grrr) so he walks from one friend's home to another for a couch to sleep on. There is actually a term for this type of homeless - "couch homeless". As it turns out, there are literally hundreds of "couch homeless" people wandering around the region and in this man's case, he walks from here to Port Dover (six miles) or Jarvis (ten miles) and sometimes to Delhi (20 miles) just for a couch to sleep on. There are no shelters here.

I'm limited in my resources but I do know and acknowledge that I have it far better than many people around me in this little isolated town - so I try to help in any small way that I can. It could be just a smile, striking up a conversation, a couple smokes or even as in this man's case, a pair of old boots because his soles were literally falling off. One time I walked out of the grocery store and there he was, disheveled as usual so I made a U-turn back into the store and came out with a box of whole grain power bars. He was crying when I gave them to him...

It breaks my heart that we live in one of the wealthiest nations on earth... we use more resources per capita than the vast majority of the world's population... yet we can discard our fellow citizens as worthless simply because they don't enjoy the same advantages and toys as the rest of us.


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 12:09 am • # 13 
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We have a population of under 1,000. Head counts aren't difficult.


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 4:53 am • # 14 
It breaks my heart that we live in one of the wealthiest nations on earth... we use more resources per capita than the vast majority of the world's population... yet we can discard our fellow citizens as worthless simply because they don't enjoy the same advantages and toys as the rest of us.

Yeah--that's what I was trying to say...ditto!


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 5:02 am • # 15 
green apple tree
Or maybe so many homeless up here die in weather like this.  Or they migrate, to places with better shelters or a better climate.



I think you're right. I live in south Florida and the homeless population is more noticeable in the winter.  At four-way  intersections on Military Trail (a main street)
there will often be one person  at each light- black markers are used to write their message on a piece of cardboard- I always wonder why it is that so many good printers are homeless-
some ask for food or work but recently there's a new sign- people asking for help with rent money so they're not homeless but are close- a few months ago there was a guy out
with a sign that said he wasn't homeless but he needed help with some bills- and one guy actually said he wanted money for beer- said he wouldn't lie about what the money was for.
It's no longer men only either as I've seen several women- they seem to be with one of the guys- probably for protection.  Very few would get "the look" if you saw them in a store so they must have access
to showers and washers and dryers- at least washers.  I've helped a few but when the numbers picked up I found myself trying to decide who needed a dollar or two more- if they looked clean and well fed
I'd pass them- that may be punishing those who make an effort not to get "the look".  Whether I give some money or not I usually drive away feeling guilty- Catholic school does that to you.
There have been a few guys with a sign that says ex-marine- not ex-military- only Marines seem to end up homeless or maybe they think that will get them more contributions.  We need Mr. Spock to sort out the truth tellers.  


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 5:40 am • # 16 
I dunno- I tend to think anyone who would be willing to incur the risks incumbent in panhandling is telling the truth....I'm like Sid in that I am limited in means, but i still feel horribly guilty...


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 5:49 am • # 17 
I don't feel guilty (even though I was raised Catholic). I don't feel shame.

I feel anger and sadness because we live in the "bread basket of the world" yet we have people who are going hungry and we have far too many people who don't give a shit.


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 6:34 am • # 18 
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Before the economy tanked and affected virtually everyone except the uber wealthy, a study was done here in Chicago that concluded there was an organized group of panhandlers spread all over the city, including women with children in tow ~ they were neat/clean/polite ~ and it was estimated that they actually netted somewhere around $50,000/year each ~ the biggest nets were by women who used their children as props ~ that was when I steered my annual contributions to things like local food pantries and service leagues that provided shelter/food and cut way back on giving to everyone with an outstretched hand ~

Then the US economy tanked ~ huge new numbers of homeless, hungry people ~ both bunker's and Sid's mindsets and posts expose today's reality ~ my own reality is that I cannot help everyone ~ much as I might want to, I simply can't ~ but allowing the homeless the dignity of treating them as real people doesn't cost a cent ~ when approached today, we can always speak to them decently and look them in the eyes ~ even if/when we're saying "I'm sorry, I can't help today" ~

Sooz


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 6:37 am • # 19 
You are blessed Sooz...


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 6:46 am • # 20 
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sooz08 wrote:
Before the economy tanked and affected virtually everyone except the uber wealthy, a study was done here in Chicago that concluded there was an organized group of panhandlers spread all over the city, including women with children in tow ~ they were neat/clean/polite ~ and it was estimated that they actually netted somewhere around $50,000/year each ~ the biggest nets were by women who used their children as props ~ that was when I steered my annual contributions to things like local food pantries and service leagues that provided shelter/food and cut way back on giving to everyone with an outstretched hand ~

Then the US economy tanked ~ huge new numbers of homeless, hungry people ~ both bunker's and Sid's mindsets and posts expose today's reality ~ my own reality is that I cannot help everyone ~ much as I might want to, I simply can't ~ but allowing the homeless the dignity of treating them as real people doesn't cost a cent ~ when approached today, we can always speak to them decently and look them in the eyes ~ even if/when we're saying "I'm sorry, I can't help today" ~

Sooz
I remember those studies and the haul those people would get. They were not homeless, but scam artists. Yes, the economy has changed everything. IMO, donating to or volunteering at food pantries or shelters are the best way to help now. 
 

  


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 6:53 am • # 21 
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Thanks, Sid ~ but what I really am is a realist ~ I recognize how lucky I was/am ~ I grew up comfortably, with parents who believed in helping those in need ~ and I worked my ass off my whole working career so that I could continue to live comfortably and now retire comfortably ~ and I recognize not everyone grows up or lives with the opportunities and privileges I did/do ~ but as I mentioned in an earlier post, most importantly I learned a lot about humanity and humility from my friend Rufus ~

Sooz


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 9:42 am • # 22 
"donating to or volunteering at food pantries or shelters are the best way to help now..."

Here's a little bit of a "fly in the ointment" so-to-speak: If a person is homeless, they don't qualify for social assistance and if they don't qualify for assistance - they don't qualify for help at a food bank because they have to show proof of their income source. In other words - they're fucked.


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 9:57 am • # 23 
WTF??  Homeless and not qualify for "social assistance"?  That is a pile of dung! (for the homeless)...what a kick in the teeth!


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 10:44 am • # 24 
Canalee
Homeless and not qualify for "social assistance"?  That is a pile of dung! (for the homeless)...what a kick in the teeth!



It is kind of a catch22. You have to have an address- you can't say under the first bridge past the freeway- most homeless  find someone who will let them use their address- then they can get direct
deposit to prevent theft of their check- the other catch -at least in Florida- if you apply for food stamps you have to list everyone living where you live with several questions about who cooks
and what the income of the others is- even if they're not applying for food stamps.  If you happen  to be living with someone doing OK that counts against you when they decide how much you qualify for.
That leads to forced charity if you let a homeless person move in.


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PostPosted: 02/11/11 10:54 am • # 25 
Thank you for posting a link to my story. I attended a homeless event last night and I was told the numbers continue to increase to the economy's weakness. The good news is there were a lot of young volunteers who have the "compassion" to give those who need "hope." Thanks again.


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