This is freaking hilarious! Watch the video too.

My dear followers. It is I, your lord Jesus Christ.

I have good news and bad news. The good news is......I'm baaaaaack!!! And wow it feels good to be home again. The bad news? My return now heralds the coming apocalypse. So I understand if you're having some mixed emotions right about now.

However, the apocalypse will take about three weeks to plan. I want it to be as quick and painless as possible (well as painless as hot lava and raging fires can be, I guess). I need about $500 so I can find a place to stay and put some food in my belly while I execute this plan (ha! no pun intended).

But I'm returning penniless (my main beef with my dad has always been he wants me to work for free). So now I'm forced to sell my historic robe and sandals in order to make some money. My new friend Samuel is helping me through this new world of the internet. He has created a Youtube video to better explain my situation.

My robe is well worn, woven with love and stained with the tear drops of a million children. It fits a large man or one incredibly gigantic women. The sandals are historic. They've been used to kick the butt of evil for centuries. Even remnants of Satan's foul odour is upon these sandals.

$500 is what I wish to seek for these items. You can reply to this email to speak directly with me. Tell me how you've positively affected this world and I may have mercy upon you (but probably not so don't take it personally).

Thank you!
Jesus.

Add Jesus on Twitter and subscribe to his Youtube page.

http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-sell ... redAdZtrue