Well, it used to be that my partner be female.  Being anything else was a dealbreaker.  Now,  the only dealbreaker would be that she's not April.

communication. i think if i can't communicate with and understand my partner, then it is time to move on.

Smarts--not just "book" smarts but smart as to people, things, etc.  Glen and Perry were both smart...John was intelligent but not smart...I divorced John...

The most important thing is that the person accepts me, even with all my flaws, and actually finds some of my quirks and failings to be charming.

I trully wish you and Jim life's very very best! My granddau is involved in a cyber relationship with a very nice young man for the past 6 yrs (yes I said 6!)  Logistics are against us (he's going to college in Gallipolis Ohio) and she's going to college here in Arkansas but it's time the two met....both families were against it but the kids are determined....so sometime in the future he's coming here (no way is she going there!)  His family of course are against it but they're adjusting to at least the idea of at least a long visit...