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| Editorialist |
Joined: 05/05/10
Posts: 14093
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SMART-ASS ANSWERS OF THE YEAR
[b]SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A trucker on the freeway saw a sign that read, "Low Bridge Overhead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right there and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car came up. The cop got out of his car and walked to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR -- A college teacher reminded her class of the next day's final exam. "Now, class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."[/b]
Bonus Extra 1: A blonde went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She asked the clerk for 50 Christmas stamps, to which the clerk asked, "What denomination?" The blonde said, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 22 Baptist.[b]" [/b]
[b]Bonus Extra 2: A woman was standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."[/b]
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