Before anyone with a missing funny bone accuses me of being sexist with this, my boyfriend is the one who sent it to me. It's from an email, so no link and no source was offered.

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like...

1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders...You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like. Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like. Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

You are in for it now ... Men know what they want and keep it simple ... Women are undecided and buy the whole store ... in shopping terminology.

Hmmm. I have four pairs of shoes and one pair of boots. I've had more, but they proved unnecessary, so I gave them away.

Just making up for Oscar's thread on wives. [img]/domainskins/bypass/img/smileys/wink.gif[/img]

I counted shoes...I do have more than 10 pairs...eek! Though 3 are sneakers (this is standard for me, one good pair for walking around when "out," one somewhat worn, dirtier pair for working around the house/yard, and ones that any other normal person would send to the trash bin get saved for farm work and THEN go to the trash bin). I also have three pairs of comfy but really ugly shoes. They weren't bought for appearances, they were bought for work, where I spend long hours on my feet and need closed toe shoes, and after about the first hour standing, most every other seemingly comfortable pair of shoes decides it wasn't made for such work and starts to pinch my toes. So, while I do wear the ugly shoes once in a while, like on rainy days, mostly they sit in the closet waiting for the current ugly pair to wear out, at which time I'll toss them and replace with another. I just had such a hard time finding comfortable shoes to wear that I bought more than one pair when I finally found ones that didn't leave me with sore feet and knees after a full day standing in the labs. Then the rest are nicer shoes for the times I'm not in the lab (I change out of lab shoes when I leave the lab, so keep them at work). One pair of black flats and one pair of brown flats I can wear with both slacks for work or jeans on weekends, one pair of dressier shoes that is a gradient of black to gray that matches the slightly dressier work outfits. I have a pair of canvas sandals for summer casual wear (but nice enough to wear with a sundress as well as shorts). A very dressy pair of flats that are gold (school colors are gold and blue and sometimes for special university events, I dress in my blue suit with those gold shoes). I have the obligatory frivolous purchase of a pair of red shoes lined with fleece (they feel like wearing slippers...I wear those on the cold winter days when I'd rather be home), and then two pairs of strappy high heels for super-dress-up occassions, like weddings...those are actually dance shoes, one in black and one in tan, so I can match any dress I wear and have shoes I can dance in all night. Someone else can do the counting.

Regardless of how many shoes I have, my boyfriend has more (and yes, I've checked under the hood, he's not gay). He has a compulsion for expensive suits and every expensive suit has a matching pair of expensive shoes. Other than the two pairs of dancing shoes that will last me a very long time and are of sufficient quality to repair with new soles if they wear out, most of my shoes cost under $30, and all the rest are under $50. My boyfriend would not blink at spending $300 on a pair of shoes! What he'll spend on one suit, I'll spend on an entire wardrobe. Though, neither of us does "therapeutic shopping." Neither of us likes shopping at all. We both head to stores knowing there's something we want or need and that's all we buy once there, and get out as quickly as possible...his price range is just way higher than mine.

Only a woman could write an autobiography from the perspective of their shoes.

Oh, I could write a novel from the perspective of anything. :p I DO have that decidedly female trait of needing to get the last word in. [img]/domainskins/bypass/img/smileys/happy.gif[/img]

I have the decidedly male trait of not noticing because I stopped listening ages ago.

That's okay, FF, I'm not your wife, you're still allowed to hear me without losing any male credibility. Though, it's absolutely amazing to me how fine-tuned male hearing is to very specifically ignore the voice frequency range of their wives.

OK, everyone, just try to ignore this. The OP is clever. I just have to say this, ok?

The following jokes are not homophobic because a homosexual friend of mine told them to me...

The following jokes are not racist because an African American friend of mine told them to me...

The following jokes are not mysoginist because a female friend of mine told them to me...

etc...

The following joke isn't funny, because someone with no sense of humor told it to me...