September 11
And now…
And now I'm on my morning break, and I'm thinking about the morning, my morning,
The subway ride, how the train doors sounded, the way you brace for when it starts,
How you stand when it's your stop, and wait for the others to get out first,
See them move in front of you, walking and weaving, tall and small,
You walk with them, you move on the sidewalk,
You all go to work and make your living
On this last day of life.
And now I'm walking to the lounge thinking about the morning, my morning,
My desk, my work, my pile of work and what it means and how I'll do it,
And the copier's down, and Annie is glad,
The guy who fixes it is cute, and I know he likes her, she knows it too.
Annie needs that now, and now I notice I'm smiling again,
And now I'm thinking that feels good.
I'm feeling alive in this last hour of my life.
I'm happily walking to coffee just now
I'm thinking about my own sweet boy
But only briefly, warmly, smiling,
Only dipping lightly into that deep lake of love just now,
Because now I'm at work and I'll see him later,
I'll save it for later,
In this last minute of life.
.
And now I'm pouring coffee out, and now I'm putting sugar in, and now and now…
And now I'm hearing gasping, screaming,
Now I'm thinking why is there an airplane here[/i],
And now My God, the awful sound, impossible[/i],
and this is death.
And now so fast, I'm flying, bouncing, breaking, burning, screaming, I can't hear me,
Choking, stopping breathing, dying crying, knowing I'm forever broken,
God have mercy, Christ have mercy, I'm not mad about the flowers now,
And oh I love you, love you now, and now…and now I'm still.
And this is death.
And now in death I'm falling, weightless,
Weighted down in plunging space
By steel and other souls and fire.
We fall together, seem to fall forever now,
And now in shuddering death we rest together,
Stone and steel and dust and fire and I and all the rest,
We cushion death.
And now in hot, dark death I'm waiting,
I and the stone and the steel
And all the other souls,
All one thing together now.
We are here beneath you, cooling still,
Waiting here for Now to come again,
For light or life or what comes next,
On this first day of death
By Grampatom